Evelyn

testing waters

2005-12-19T19:30:54Z

good grief.

back at livejournal, at long last. I'm not entirely sure what my intentions are with this update.

I'm going back to Portland next week, should arrive on Monday or Tuesday, depending.
It's been a strange past four months. This entire year has been nutty-- full of extremes. the main two being:

1. the relief and joy of completing my thesis and graduating from Reed
2. the unexpected and devastating death of my father

needless to say my entire family feels quite lost.

drawingshadows @ 2004-09-19T15:15:00

2004-09-19T22:15:22Z

and so, if you happened to go to boyds coffee shop in the pearl district on saturday morning, you would have seen a barista whose black button-up collared shirt was on inside out.

no,
i don't do mornings well.

drawingshadows @ 2004-07-02T10:51:00

2004-07-02T17:55:15Z

so...

1) concerns regarding my ever-increasing (?) staleness.

2) temptations to sabotage myself.

all extremely ridiculous and i'm sure are the results of boredom.
ohh... the need for drama. feh.

1) listmaking
2) i want to write notes and bury them in the backyard
3) soon, there will be a root-beer float afternoon at my house.
4) i miss leigh
5) i'm disgustingly lazy.

drawingshadows @ 2004-06-12T11:14:00

2004-06-12T18:16:59Z

ohh... letter writing. lazy days. productive days. paper days. i like them all.

the 6 day trip was delightful, seattle, vancouver, victoria, seattle again. we got along fabulously, and i can't quite believe it.

the violent femmes tonight. $5 on the waterfront. who doesn't have some heartwarming memory connected to that band? i'd like to think we all do.

drawingshadows @ 2004-04-10T11:43:00

2004-04-10T18:49:54Z

last night we bought paint together. On an earlier trip we grabbed the paint samples and took them to the "U-Scans" because strangely enough, the paint section has HORRIBLE lighting. We watched the color samples change before our eyes under the u-scan lights. i want pink and green walls- one of the pink samples, which looked acceptable in the paint section, suddenly turned into "this is the baby's room" pink. eech.

midnight painting and midnight snacks. he finished putting primer on the walls while i sat on the floor gluing 3/8" strips of canvas together for one of my qual projects.

i like it when we work together.

i have 10+ long days ahead of me. (well, lets not count all the work for the other classes too...) i look forward to them. the weather has been condusive to idea-forming and list-making; exactly what i need to be doing right now.

perhaps april is not the cruellest month after all.

drawingshadows @ 2004-04-06T18:39:00

2004-04-07T01:41:33Z

oh.
the weekend was nearly perfect.
i'm amazed that all of this has stayed so much fun. who would have thought a person could stay so new for so long?

Friday: the qual. i'm excited! ready. nervous. anxious to get this show on the road.

my get the hell out of portland jar is in full effect

2004-03-31T03:13:07Z

1. saturday : oregon coast.
2. may : seattle and vancouver bc.
3. october : new york.

drawingshadows @ 2004-03-25T11:06:00

2004-03-25T19:07:31Z

i am still thrilled by sitting down at the computer to go online-
and not having to check craigslist for available rooms!

ahhhh.

drawingshadows @ 2004-03-16T19:52:00

2004-03-17T03:59:40Z

i found it, it found me;
i'm not sure which way it happened, but it happened and i have two new keys on my keychain. soon there will be freshly painted walls, a dinner party. and later... afternoon mint julips on the back porch.

so relieved. all the knots are gone. all this pleases me for many reasons, one of which is that it lends credibility to beliefs i've been test-driving for a couple years. the belief that everything will work out in the end, and everything happens for a reason. i think i'll hang on to some of my secrets and fail to elaborate on that.

drawingshadows @ 2004-03-10T19:49:00

2004-03-11T03:49:48Z

seriously.
i do not want to be homeless while i take my qual.

drawingshadows @ 2004-03-05T17:57:00

2004-03-06T01:57:58Z

oh oh oh!
i found the one i want.
please join me in crossed fingers.

drawingshadows @ 2004-03-04T12:50:00

2004-03-04T20:52:02Z

if i ever said i wasn't flipping out about this whole moving thing-
well, i was lying.

on a lighter note (?!) only seven more mondays of school.

drawingshadows @ 2004-02-24T16:27:00

2004-02-25T00:33:18Z

maybe maybe maybe i'll find a new home soon so i can stop fretting. a lovely home with wooden floors and big windows. a home with daydreamers. maybe i could look out the window and make up stories while waiting for the bread to finish baking.
allofasudden panics about becoming homeless. obnoxious. due in part to too much caffeine and too much homework going undone. preoccupied.

drawingshadows @ 2004-02-16T22:43:00

2004-02-17T06:44:21Z

monster trucks, hearts, and legos all in one weekend?!

c'mon honey

2004-01-30T00:33:11Z

seriously,
how could one be glum with rod stewart's greatest songs to dance to?

drawingshadows @ 2004-01-08T22:04:00

2004-01-09T06:14:28Z

ice ice ice skating everywhere!

crossword puzzles and word games all over town.
warming up socks and gloves on heaters,
using girl charm in order to borrow an inflatable innertube from one of the kids sledding at laurelhurst.
we drink more and more coffee. mmmmm.
i really am going to move out. the roommate and i had a talk tonight.

there will be surprise packages arriving in the mail any day now...

drawingshadows @ 2004-01-05T21:19:00

2004-01-06T05:25:50Z

yikes.
i started this on the 24th of september, 2002.

and i'm still here.

drawingshadows @ 2004-01-05T21:12:00

2004-01-06T05:22:15Z

wanting:
a wig to cover up an awful haircut.
snow.
photographs of snow.
a new scarf to replace the one i lost today. today, quite possibly the coldest day of the season.
school to disappear so i can play forever, guilt-free.
a new home with friendly and tidy people. or person.
a trip to canada.

i think it's time to start the 2004 listbook.

i can't stay

2004-01-03T05:43:15Z

there was snow!
oh... it was the best introduction to a new year. for once, there was no fighting or nightmares. what a

relief.

instead, there was a snowman six feet tall. coffee. warm beds and bodies. adventure and contentment all day long.

i played chess for the first time ever yesterday. it was frustrating and intimidating to learn- and it didn't help that there was a boy one-third my age who was hanging around us showing off his knowledge of the game. argh.

there is a creepy man who hangs around the bookstore these days. he does not seem to get all the hints that i'm not interested. my frustration with this lead to cowardice today- first, i hid in the darkest corner of the backroom of the bookstore. later, on my lunch break, i walked around with my eyes darting around on the lookout for him. i wished i had a groucho marx disguise. if i see him again i will say, "i got married. but don't worry, i did it for money, not love." i'll laugh to myself about it later.

drawingshadows @ 2003-12-25T13:03:00

2003-12-25T21:13:08Z

yes, yes, the flu makes for an excellent detox week.
and today's just another day. i am coughing and sneezing all over the place but at least the fever is finally gone. trying to muster up enough energy to sew a bag, go for a walk, read a book, anything.
i have called upon the help of superheros to make me well again, i watched spiderman last night and will watch batman today.

i am secretly missing the anticipation i felt as a kid.

easily intoxicated

2003-12-13T18:11:49Z

"twelve years ago I moved to Portland and then started my own computer systems business."

hm.

twelve years ago I was 10.

and yesterday he was asking me out for a date.

"do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.
voicing my uncertainty irritated me. i don't like our fear of definitions.

my last final is on monday. a great celebration will follow. drinks with a good friend, and the pinback show with another.

drawingshadows @ 2003-11-08T01:04:00

2003-11-08T09:14:04Z

so satisfied by skin and bodies.
the way muscles stretch and limbs fold.
a favorite e. e. cummings poem comes to mind (i remember one summer three years ago when i lived in it).

remind me of the summertime on this winter day

2003-11-06T00:21:50Z

i don't fucking believe it.

i construct fairy tales but never expect to live them.
right now i can't see past the sensations, the joy and shock, to tell a story.
later.

& my fingers are crossed for snow.

drawingshadows @ 2003-11-01T19:27:00

2003-11-02T03:35:08Z

my goodness. reading books for fun during the school year?!
i can't help it. her journals suck me in.

let me just say that an afternoon filled with setting type is wonderfully relaxing.

the crush has been delightful.
i carry around the sensations and daydreams happily, but when words are said aloud my stomach tenses for the briefest moment. a tension so slight, i can perhaps overlook it.

drawingshadows @ 2003-10-21T19:13:00

2003-10-22T03:41:58Z

i might know a little something about crop circles in the neighborhood park.

the day began at 5:30am. "i want to smack the person who invented 5:30am. i need coffee, screw detox week."

exhausted now and still spinning from the day's pleasant company and activities. Messed up two shirts, pants, and pairs of socks and shoes, mostly due to pumpkin-related incidences. all in a day's work, i suppose. i cannot believe the mess we made of ourselves and my kitchen during the pumpkin pie-mix fight. thankfully two cameras were involved. ohhh... there is a boy who doesn't mind when i throw water at him or smear pumpkin pie mix in his face!
i also have a crush on my new shelly shoes.

(there are hearts everywhere)

i forgot long ago how to weave sentences together neatly.
it frustrates me.

we struggled home carrying heavy pumpkins for carving. walked along 39th during rush hour and what felt like july weather-
but ohh... really. the whole day just felt like summer. such a delight!
running around with a neighborhood friend, from one house to another to another, taking whatever may come.

i love my youth and i love my friends.